Grrr. Been having problems writing again. Feel like I have a lot to say that no one else in our society is saying (probably because they know better!), but having a hard time getting my thoughts out in cohesive form.
I confused myself with having my Notes mixed up with the BLOG crap, and on several different devices too, not to speak of several different places on several different devices! Here we go again!
Making differences between one thing and another is where all the harm in the world comes from!
Of course, confusion, ignorance, and mixing one plane with another never behooved any magician – and we’re all magicians here – and every act a magical act!
What a day! I REALLY SUCCEEDED at escaping finishing up writing the article, ***‘Can U Here Mi NAO?’*** today. Worked myself up into anger (like before, when I tried to finish the Article on
RESONANCE because that is actually what I’m trying to do here; express the frustration and anger we all feel, but find it hard to express… Grrr… I really should just go to to bed now. I already spent an hour messing around with
.gifs and drove my girlfriend away for the night…
Taste & See the Lord Is GOOD!
Didn’t ever separate all those frames into
.png files so I could add ‘JKI’ easily to each frame without doing a jumpy-ass transparent-background ‘JKI’ in between each cat-licking frame. It would almost be easier to do on the phone, on
PicsArt! Grrr at me wasting an hour in
GIMP… Saved the projects though in case I ever feel like revisiting them… I remember back a couple months ago making a
.gif out of a picture of Aurora that I never really finished up or stuck into a music video like I had planned, but many plans never come to fruition – especially when so many are made!
Like the plans I had to spend some quality time with my girlfriend today – those plans did not come to fruition. Not that she wasn’t here! I just wasn’t fully present. Honestly though, Are Any of Us Fully Present nowadays? I’ll admit that oftentimes I just want to be alone to spend my time how I want to, without judgment, and without someone paying attention to what I’m doing constantly. It may go all the way back to childhood, when my parents told me there was a creepy old man hanging out in the clouds watching every single thing I was doing. There was no escape from GOD WATCHING YOU, nor his scathing judgments and punishing retributions.
What ABSOLUTE EVIL; to not only live ones own life completely based on fear, but to constantly force others to do so as well!
My bitter anger and hatred toward conformists who force others (and try to force ***me!***) to conform to their fear-filled stupidity has lasted the majority of this lifetime – far too long to be letting hate eat one up, really. I wish I could get over the continuously simmering anger toward all those forces trying to drag me down, not allowing me or anyone else to practice Authenticity; but they don’t make it easy! They’re always trying to tell other people what ‘appropriate behavior’ is; not even realizing that the only ‘inappropriate behavior’ would be the behavior that interferes with the true will of another! I’m getting mighty tired of bitches telling me what to do!
I’ll give you an example. You know how some days it seems like everyone is a little ‘off’? Like maybe something is altering the magnetosphere of our planet, affecting mammalian moods worldwide? Well, today seemed like one of those days (for everyone I had contact with, anyway!) From the store folk to the business people I had to interact with, everyone seemed to be on edge today. This time of year always seems more stressful though. I wonder if the conformity demanded by family and societal pressure has anything to do with peoples’ increased frustration at this time of year? Nonetheless, frustrations about bigger things that are constantly simmering just under the surface can find their way to the top with very little catalyst at this time of year. And everyone is frustrated and angry about a lot of things going on in society right now, and nobody is listening to our Very REAL Concerns. We feel encumbered.
So, back to the example… We all know our health care system is broken, right? Big government and large corporations will never have our best interests at heart. Just navigating the morass of unnecessary bullshit is disheartening to say the least, and criminal really. To be forced to pay for something you do not want is one thing (I mean think about it!), but for that thing to be so fucked up and broken that you still have to pay for everything yourself and do all their work for them is really too much! And the fucking ‘specialists’! They are certainly not specialists when it comes to human health! They can’t see the forest for the trees. A bunch of fingernail and nostril hair ‘specialists’ who wouldn’t recognize a complete human if it jumped out and throttled them by the fucking neck – and sometimes I want to! I realize that it is my responsibility to take the holistic approach with my own health, but I’m doing it all on my own here – and I’m being forced to pay them to not even do their own fucking jobs that they are supposedly ‘specialists’ at! What a crock! Do they have anything to offer me that actually works, or is actually covered by the shitty insurance they force me to pay for?
I guarantee that there is not one of those socialist pieces-of-shit crying for ‘Medicare or Medicaid For All’ that has ever been on either!
But what REALLY sets me off is that when I call (for the seventh time, because they have never done their job, and my life may be in danger if someone does not follow through), the dumb bitch at the front desk starts telling me about her rough day and how there’s so few office folk to help her today, waah waah blah blah – so I listen politely – but do you think she does her job and listens politely when I tell her my concerns? FUCK NO! She simply says that she’s just a middleman, and if someone needs to chase down a referral, it isn’t her (which is literally the job she gets paid Federal Reserve Notes for)! When my frustration at having to call for a seventh time and still having the ball in my court became apparent to her, she threatened to not help me at all, because she didn’t like the tone of my voice, my accusatory tone. Whatever happened to customer service?
And they wonder why young men feel like they have no way to act in an authentic manner, no way to express themselves, no way to get the fucking point across other than to commit horrific violence! It’s because everyone tells men that masculinity itself is toxic and we must all become a bunch of simpering conformist faggots!
inb4 some asshole sends the white vans to my house, thinking I’m one of the stupid fuckers about ready to go off with violence! I’m not. Why do you think I’m expressing myself here? You can’t truly express yourself; can you? WHY Not?
You don’t believe me?